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What I Couldn't Tell You: One Man's Struggle with Opioid Addiction, by Jane Funk
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Product details
Paperback: 392 pages
Publisher: Funk Communication (June 20, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0998356905
ISBN-13: 978-0998356907
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.9 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
5.0 out of 5 stars
9 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#403,814 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Matt Edwards was my friend from high school. We hadn't spoken in years, and in the interest of full disclosure, we were not extremely close. But we talked when we saw each other, and we had many mutual friends. After I graduated, we grew apart and didn't see each other for a few years, but in September of 2008 we found each other on Facebook and started to reconnect. I don't sleep well at night and neither did he. Quite a few times, we found each other on Messenger and chatted for a while before we at least tried to sleep. It was wonderful talking to him again, and reminded me of how much I liked him. Matt was charming, funny, and disarmingly smart. He would crack jokes and have you laughing til your sides hurt, then say something so smart it took you by surprise and made you think.The last time we spoke, he was proud of himself for moving from a bad environment to what he thought would be greener pastures. He was looking forward to starting over in a new city, closer to friends. I had no reason to think anything was wrong. Two weeks later, Matt died of a heroin overdose around midnight on September 2nd, 2010 at the age of 25.I knew he had used drugs in the past, knew had been in jail, and been to rehab. That story was one of those not-so-secret secrets that exist in small communities like the one we grew up in. But I had no idea he was using heroin, or that his life was spiraling out of control. I thought, perhaps because of the clarity of the messages we exchanged, that the rehab had worked. Drugs were never part of our friendship, and they never came up when we chatted. The biggest reasons I was unaware of his addiction was I didn't have any reason to ask and I had moved to Wyoming by then, 1300 miles away.After he died, his mother Jane Funk (who was my Spanish teacher for my final abysmal year - abysmal on my part, not hers) remembered something Matt said to her just weeks before. "If anything happens to me, the journals will explain everything." And like it says on the back of this book, they do. They certainly do.I started this book knowing that the opioid crisis has reached a fever pitch in America. Doctors are over-prescribing narcotic painkillers, patients are doctor-shopping to find doctors that will give them the drugs they need once their regular doctors cut them off, and it feels sometimes like nothing is being done to stem the flow of highly addictive drugs to the public. Street heroin is cheaper than the prescriptions, which is how Matt came to use it in the first place. A simple surgery in high school led him down a long and convoluted path of self-destruction that perhaps no one could have stopped but Matt himself. This is a story that should sound familiar. We all know someone who has walked this road, or is at least standing at the crossroads looking down it.Matt's life has been documented, not just in this book or his journals, but in an award-winning documentary film called Written Off. The Biscuit Factory, the company that made it, is making the rounds on the film festival circuit right now, and even showed Written Off at the Newseum in Washington, D.C.. The film is incredible, so please do me a solid and learn more about the film. It looks amazing, and a lot of work was put into making it.The name of the film, Written Off, comes from the mentality we typically have about those who use drugs, especially for an extended period of time. They are nothing but 'junkies,' the lowest of the low. You see them nodding in an alley. You watch them getting dosed with Narcan by EMTs on the evening news. You read about countless rock stars and actors and models dying of overdoses, or their multiple trips to rehab. Here's the rub: calling someone a 'junkie' is dismissive. By saying that, you put them in a neat little box, something easy to throw away. You are, in effect, writing them off. Addicts are still people, and still deserving of love, help, support, and compassion. I know Matt was. Some of what we do when we write off people who are addicted is for self-preservation, to distance ourselves from the problem, as in 'that would never happen to me or someone I love.' But it does, every day. All it takes is one prescription, one doctor's visit, one minor procedure.I hear you saying, "Doctors don't prescribe painkillers for minor procedures." But they do. In my own experience, I've been prescribed Vicodin for migraines, minor dental work, a lanced abscess, and a broken pinky toe, none of which warranted such a strong painkiller. This happens every day, and is all it takes. One prescription can change the course of a person's whole life. And it happens to people of all socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds, in every city and town. I'm not going to preach, but if we're going to help those addicts, we first must change our own mentality toward them.This book was in a lot of ways devastating. It's a look into the mind of an addict, and into that of a normal man with normal wants and needs. Matt wanted children, and would have made a wonderful father. He was a loving son, brother, boyfriend, and friend, and would have been for years to come. As I read, I found myself thinking what potential Matt had, what he could have been.It was in a lot of ways inspiring, too. The words he put on paper are surprisingly clear, and heartbreakingly honest. Matt held nothing back when he wrote in his journal. He lied to so many people in his life to hide his addiction, but he told the truth here, even if he was in denial about a lot of things. He wrote it down anyway. Every dose he took, the lengths he went to procure his drugs, the cost of said drugs, and the things he went through in other aspects of his life, are in these pages.Jane comments on his writings throughout the book, as well. She gives context to some of the things he talks about so the reader knows what he means, or explains a situation the reader would otherwise not be privy to. And she speaks of her son with love, talking about things that amazed her about him, as mothers do. She is insightful, and speaks without benefit of rose-colored glasses about what must be the most painful event she's ever been through. Her pain is clear, and her confusion, but also her resolve. She writes not only about Matt's struggle but her own as well, sharing private pain and personal upheaval. I applaud her for her honesty, as well.The book is brutal, but it should be. Addiction is ugly, and needs to be seen just the way it is. I am in awe of the work that not only Matt put into these journals, but Jane as well. I think he would be proud to know he might change the world with his words, his heart, and his truth. I just wish it would have saved him.
These journals helped me fully understand the heart of addiction. I read so much on the science behind addiction but nothing really helped me understand what an addict really goes through daily and why they can't tell people what they are truly experiencing until I read these journals. I would suggest this book for addicts too. It would really help open up the truth in their hearts and minds with love and understanding. The journals and the mother's reflections show just how complicated the problem is and how society's response to addiction only makes them hide, suffer alone, and die. Excellent content in an easy to read story.
This book is a book you do not want to put down. It’s a book that keeps you wanting to read more. Unfortunately it’s not possible for the book to go on. This young man fought so hard and wanted nothing more than fight this addiction but it won. This book is heart wrenching, sad and makes you want to fight for Matt. His mother has so much courage for writing and sharing his journals. This book always keeps you thinking about battles that are so hard to fight. Thank you for this amazing story. I only wish the outcome was different.
I started reading this and it was very difficult for me to read the words that were written. I say this because I knew Matt myself. Matt and I attended the same high school together. Had I known what kind of struggles he was going through I wish I would have paid attention and had tried to get him some help. RIP my friend, hopefully this piece of literature will help others who struggle with addiction!
I bought this book & couynot put it down after starting to read it. I have someone close in my life that struggles with opiate addiction. Many things in this book felt like dejavu. It did give me a better understanding of how the addicts themselves feel. Highly recommend this book!
This books makes you think, about the past, present, and future. About addiction struggle and life its self. Thank you Jane for putting this together to share for all of us who knew Matt, but yet didn't really know Matt.
Very disheartening to see how we as a society have failed these young adults who became easily addicted to pain medications that big pharma pushed through the lobbyist. In the meantime we cannot provide them with appropiate care.
Great book!
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